Our Hatred, Ourselves

For many millennia, intellects and philosophers have been saying that the things we hate most in others are those things we subconsciously hate about ourselves. We get frustrated at another’s stubbornness because it reflects our own, their disrespectful snide remarks may even be but a fraction of the cruelty within our own voices, but we are so unable to make these introspective criticisms that we must project them outward. This makes sense in the grand scheme of things; many of us tend to seek out people similar to ourselves but with enough variety to keep things interesting, but to surround ourselves with too many people exactly like ourselves, especially their idiosyncrasies would be catastrophic in the social venue. Also, once we’ve known someone long enough, we begin to show in ourselves more and more aspects of their personalities, creating greater potential to snap at one another over inane causes and further perpetuating the externalization of annoyance and hate of those things within ourselves.

It takes a strong yet humble mind to look into one’s own self and see the flaws clearly. Once this has been done, it takes a great deal of willpower and perseverance to try to fix those things we dislike about ourselves — this is self-improvement, unlike hiding behind a pound of makeup, fancy clothes, and a finger pointing at the other person.

Remember, when you point a finger, 3 more point right back at you.

By Crystal Nichols in Psychology on March 27, 2005